Thursday, April 13, 2006

Thanks to my room-mate

I'm going to Afghanistan (Inshallah).

I quote, "I (room-mate) will push you on the plane to Afghanistan if I have to. You may hate me then but you'll thank me later. You've wanted this for too long. You can come back if you decide you don't like it."

I'm getting cold feet. Bursts of panic during which I conjure up alternate goals for my life, stay here, move to my U.S. hometown.

The bursts of panic happened again tonight where I started to ramble about my blue mugs that my cousin gave me and how I'll miss them so much. And the rest of my nice serving dishes (that either my mom or relatives have given me). That's where my room-mate called bullsh*t. I really will miss my dishes but...I have wanted it for too long. I have to at least try.

Deep breaths.

I have wanted it for so long. Before college (when I met my room-mate), before high school, before elementary. Is it every refugee's dream? I remember shyly telling a cousin, "I want to be a lawyer and go back to Afghanistan to fix it." I was 11.

Some wrong turns here and there, but I'm back to the goals of an 11 year old. Which is a good thing.

So, I'm going to Afghanistan, Inshallah.

On another note, you all can thank my room-mate for fixing the comment situation. I didn't realize that I had the comments on 'moderate'. That's been corrected and hopefully y'all can comment freely and with no moderation!

Thanks Roomie!!

7 comments:

homeinkabul said...

I do consider Atlanta my hometown. I was raised there and my family is there. It's home, too.

But I doubt that I would've thanked her if she told me to stay in the U.S. I have tried to convince myself to stay away in the past, but it only led to extreme sadness. For now, I belong in Afg, Inshallah. Of course, I'm not there yet, I'm still in the U.S. and the next 2 months may lead me in a different path. I hope not though. We'll see...

omg said...

Well, I will miss you even more than you will miss your blue mugs and serving dishes, but I'm glad that you are going to try to make a difference in your "patria" (the Spanish equiv of "watan"). Glad in the sense that I don't want to see you go, but I am proud of you for going. And roomie is absolutely right; you can always come back "home" to us. We will be waiting with open arms... [warning: daily "show of cheesey emotion" quotient exceeded.]

the pushy roommate said...

I venture to say that I would almost be as pleased as your mother if you stayed but you've got to go "ovaries out". Don't be scurred. God willing you'll have plenty of time later to admire your lovely mugs. I will continue to tell you this everyday if I have to, or until you send me clues that you want me to stop, like a temporary restraining order or something like that.

homeinkabul said...

OMG and PR (pushy room-mate),

awww, I have such good friends. I have no problems with the cheesey emotion quota.

It goes w/o saying that I will miss my lovely friends & family more than my mugs. But I wouldn't ever leave if I focused on y'all. Sigh.

You're both right, I must go 'ovaries' out (a play on 'balls out', if I may be so crude to explain the term), heh.

I will be uploading a photo of my blue mugs and tea cupboard so you will understand the importance of them.

omg said...

Hehe. Balls out and ovaries out, huh? Have y'all been reading the explainer on slate? :-)

homeinkabul said...

No, what's on slate? I couldn't find it when i looked...

homeinkabul said...

Hamesha said...

Roots... they beckon you, however far one goes.
**** jan, I find it interesting that you refer to "my US hometown" and to yourself as an "every refugee" (hence suggesting that you are note quite home in the hometown) in the same context. Wonder if this is the new sense of uprootedness that defines life for the everyhuman of our time?
I think you will thank your roommate one day. But so would have you thanked her if she had given you the advice -and been convincing enough to overpower your own drive to return home- to stay back in the US and make a comfortable life and successful career in the land of opportunity. We only have the benefit of hindsight and reflection over the choices that we end up making. My feelings maybe irrelevant here, but I am glad you are in watan. She needs it.
ps. funny incident with the rat and guests.