Sunday, May 06, 2007

failure

Well, I failed. Remember the exam that I was studying for? I’m using the link because I don’t want this blog to come up on any search engines under ‘failure’ and “B-- exam.’

I think I handled it well initially (the first 1-2 days, I found out on Thursday) but I told some members of my extended family last night. They were supportive but I guess having to say it again and out loud made the failure a reality. Initially, I gave the ‘It happened – I’m dealing with it – Success in life is defined by how one deals with adversity/failure’ speech but ugh, I’m tired and I’m grumpy and I feel dumb.

And I’m not looking forward to telling more people but I refuse to lie about it either.

phooey.

5 comments:

Kristin Ohlson said...

Sorry. I'm sure it makes you feel like crap, but it happens to so many smart people. Then they pass on the next try.

I know that when I was turned down on my first attempt to get into a school I desperately wanted to attend (Bennington), I felt so unworthy. But I got in the next time I tried and managed to forget the first attempt.

Sending you all the most consoling vibes I can muster. So bummed that I won't get to see you in Kabul. Hey, maybe we'll meet when we're both on book tours for our novels.

Anonymous said...

That is bummy. But, you are amazing, courageous, and pretty darn brilliant. Trust me, I know. Don't let a few essays and a ridiculous multiple choice exam make you feel dumb. You rock, and Inshallah you'll pass with flying colors next time.

hamesha: said...

No doubt something like this is, yes, a bummer. But I admire you for sharing it. We are not a culture of admitting setbacks all too easily, and that you do it so graciously and humbly gives me courage. My family is after me for months for refusing to chain myself into a grad school (PhD no less) commitment right after undergrad, and I have played every delaying tactic in the book and am now set to face the music - tell them that I just don't feel ready and would rather spend a year working in Afg. I don't know how is this relevant, but I know it is. Maybe the bit about saying it to all family members. At any rate, as those infuriatingly optimistic Kabulis of old used to say, Khuda Meraban Ast. There are not many things in the world that can argue with that. Best.

http://hamesha.wordpress.com/2007/05/07/wish-i-could-read-siddhartha-again-in-10-minutes/

Shannon said...

OK, I know I'm late and not even as frequent a lurker as before, but I know a number of people who have failed *that test.* My boyfriend, in fact, just failed and is back to studying long hours. No matter what state you take it it, it's an extremely stressful and difficult test that many wouldn't even dare to tackle. There's always hope. It's only a matter of time until you pass.

Chaoyang said...

the blessing and curse of large families that love you: always there for you and always want to know what's up with you.

sending you a virtual power hug to get you through the repeated love and concern filled question/answer sessions.